Monday, October 29, 2007

The Nokia N95 is a piece of SHIT

My dear friend Whatleydude - otherwise known as James Whatley - advised me to get an N95 when I upgraded my mobile phone. This is Nokia's latest offering. It is massive, heavy and delicate. The screen is huge and the battery is weak so it runs down daily. It crashes every day at least once, it takes ages to switch on, it keeps freezing, the operating system makes no sense, the GPRS doesn't work, when it is fully charged it beeps and wakes you up, the camera is very very slow - (but good quality - as is the web browser) - and I have had it for less than a month when the microphone stops working completely and I have to take it into a Vodafone shop for repairs.

In the Vodafone shop the guy at the door points me over to the help deck and I stand in the queue. When I get to the front the guy says - "hang on I have to call out the customer numbers". He bellows the number 342. I wonder what the hell he is doing. I have no number. The bloke behind me does though, and it's 342. He says to the guy - "it's okay, let this man go, he was before me." The assistant in the shop looks at the bloke who has stood up for me, and something explodes in his brain. A membrane passes over the front of his eyeball. He tics briefly like faulty digital video. Then after a pause he bellows 343, ignoring both me and the bloke with the number. A teenage boy leaps up and crashes past us oblivious, full of hormones and the joy of life. I object loudly. Mad shop guy ignores me. I lie down spead-eagled on my back in the middle of the store in protest. The bloke next to me sits down beside me.

I have never lain on my back in the middle of a crowded store before. It's curious how much attention it can draw, considering it is such a passive thing to do. Within a minute the manager is talking to me but because I am being very polite he doesn't quite know what to do, so he helps me.

All this was after a horrid audition, hence my state of mind. I went up for the part of The Fireman and The DJ in "Mrs. Norris Plays it Safe" - an educational play for the elderly. I want it because the company is good and I am broke. But I found myself having to lie in the crazy PR firm because they are all lovely and politely interested in my career and I couldn't bear telling them I'm taking a half day to audition for something like that. I always feel awful after auditions. And I did the old - "Well then, good luck with it all" again. Must learn to practise what I preach - I quote my rather smug "actors have no business being shy."

But that's off the subject. The subject being The Nokia N95 is a piece of SHIT! For fuck's sake Nokia your brand can only hold you up for so long. Make a decent phone next time. I'd go back to sony tomorrow if I didn't have to wait another 11 months for my contract to go up for renewal. I now have to carry around a "courtesy phone" which is, dare I say it, even worse that the N95. In fact fuck it, I'll stick to my guns. It's probably better. But I have to give it back in a week when they've fixed my one.

18 comments:

Whatley said...

Dude... Link!

Anonymous said...

Please tell more .... which Vodafone store? What did the manager say? How did it end?

I'd go for the SoyEricsson K850i myself :)

Al said...

The manager was very nice and apologised for not advising me to take a ticket. Then he sent the thing off for repair. The store was on The Kings Road in London. So it ended well, although in retrospect I would have gone for the Sony. Hey ho.

Al said...

Urgh - too thick to link. give me a sc.

Whatley said...

Did you get it back in the end?
Have you tried getting a different handset?

Do you need me to pimp the software again?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsTqDedqQd8

Al said...

I say it ended well, but so far I haven't got my phone back and they promised me it back on tuesday "at the latest". The last communication I recieved was a text reading exactly this: "From: Vodafone :)ubject: Unfortunately your phone has taken longer than anticipated to repair.We will let you know when it is back.,TO=(My number) MESSAGE=Unf"

Hmmmmm

Al said...

ARGH!

So I get the thing back from the store and it's a different handset - second hand a somewhat chipped. It seems to work so I take it home and then the battery runs out. So I plug it in to charge. Nothing. Not a dicky bird. I try another charger. Still nothing...

So they have replaced my broken phone with ... A BROKEN PHONE!!

Oh joy. So now I have to go back to the vodafone store, and I think this time I will ask them if I can change to the Sony k850i. I never ever want to see another Nokia N95 as long as I live.

Al said...

Final resolution - I changed it for a Sony. The Sony worked. Just when I was about to get so pissed off with Vodafone that I went off on another rant they surprised me utterly by couriering a brand new Sony handset to me and allowing me to take back the Nokia with all the bits in my own time. Flexible and looking after me as a customer. Dammit I hate it when big companies make me happy. But yay for vodafone - and the long suffering staff in the Kings Road branch, who recognise me when I come in now...

Anonymous said...

I have an N95! At the time i thought it was really cool that i has a 'good' phone! Now i've realised its a complete pile of wank! I cant wait till this month is up and i can get a new one. Nokia's are shit!

Rabid Raccoon said...

Agreed. It's absolutely crap. In the late 90's/early 00's Nokia phones were the best. What happened?? I got rid of my N95 and got an HTC and will never look back.

Rabid Raccoon said...

Agreed. It's absolutely crap. In the late 90's/early 00's Nokia phones were the best. What happened?? I got rid of my N95 and got an HTC and will never look back.

Rabid Raccoon said...

Agreed. It's absolutely crap. In the late 90's/early 00's Nokia phones were the best. What happened?? I got rid of my N95 and got an HTC and will never look back.

Anonymous said...

part from the shit battery the phone isnt bad. it comes with its faults, just like everything else. most people just find something they dont like and automatically call it shit. its all a matter of opinion. and mine is the n95 is a really good phone

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Al said...

Weird how this post attracts all the spam. Also amazing how fast mobile technology becomes redundant. Whichever way you look at it, clutching my new HTC Desire HD, the Nokia N95 is now 100% a piece of shit.

Al said...

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Anonymous said...

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Al said...

Test did not get through the spam filter. Despite being the first non spam comment for some time.